Monicks: Unleashed

Tag: Atheism

  • Say, what causes arthritis?

    Say, what causes arthritis?

    A drunken man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained; his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, “Say, what causes arthritis?”

    The priest replies, “My Son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.” The drunk muttered in response and then returned to his paper.

    The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. “I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”

    The drunk answered, “I don’t have it, I was just reading here that the Pope does.”

  • Jesus is watching you.

    A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’

    He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
    When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

    Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard: ‘Jesus is watching you.’

    Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

    Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

    ‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.

    ‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’

    The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’

    ‘Moses,’ replied the bird.

    ‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’

    ‘The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’

  • The burden of proof – Tweet of the day

    Well, you, my Twitter friend, must know all too well the way our theist friends are continuously asking of us to prove god’s non-existence, so my response to one of those requests got retweeted like forever:

    Like always, this is the original Twitter link.

    Someone pointed me to Ricky Gervais’ response to this claim:

    ❝It annoys me that the burden of proof is on us. It should be: “You came up with the idea. Why do you believe it?” I could tell you I’ve got superpowers, but you can’t go up to people saying “Prove I can’t fly.” They’d go: “What do you mean ‘Prove you can’t fly’? Prove you can!”❞

    Ricky is right, but I would go a little bit further, and if someone told me “prove I can’t fly”, I would go and push them off a cliff. Err.. no, no, I wouldn’t. Of course it is a totally hypothetical situation – I wouldn’t push anyone off a cliff. I promise! Geez!

    The thing is I totally could prove that someone cannot fly, see? That’s the point. I could prove it! Well, not to him, though. But I’m sure you get the idea.

    So Ricky’s is a nice, clever response, but in my opinion, doesn’t really meet the god’s non-existence kind of proof standard.

    Have you come up with a better answer for this request? Tell us down here in the comments. I’m dying to hear your responses.